What Not to do if You're Stranded on a Planet of Yellow Ocher Rocks
by TheChocolateCake
Summary: A small team of Autobots - including Supreme Commander Star Saber - crash-land on a barren planet. Their spaceship demolished, the injured crew has to fend for themselves and figure out how to call Sector Two Commander God Ginrai for help. They survive the "robot emus from hell" and make it to what seems to be a deserted city. Oh, but since when are deserted cities ever deserted?


Warnings: None, really. I think might have dropped a swear word in there somewhere, but nothing like the -er-"f-bomb" I think the term is?

No Robo-romance.

* * *

"We're not dead."

The astute observation of Wingwaver, uttered in a tense breath about six inches from the wide-eyed face of his commander Braver, snapped the latter back into his mind.

"All thanks to you, ace," he replied, shoving the tiny combiner off him.

"Wait, really? I-"

"Get your skidplate to the back of the ship and dig out the Supreme Commander, you paperclip. Damned if I ever let you fly a kite, let alone a spaceship! Move rookie!"

The two scrambled to their feet; Wingwaver crawling over hot, semi-melted steel towards the back and Blacker out through the shattered windshield into the sun.

"Hey—hand-!"

He turned around and grabbed the red forearm waving around from under a sheet of metal. Braver plunked down atop a rock and remarked, "Dirt. Of all the planets we could have crashed on, it had to be one with dirt on it. And I think I landed on my gun... ouch."

Blacker didn't deign a reply, instead pointing towards the horizon. Across the barren rock-filled landscape, they could just make out a shadowy blob that looked more like ruined city than dirt-rock combo.

"What, you think there are people here? You think that's some kind of civilization?"

Blacker shrugged. "Meh, who knows."

"Ugh, ow... He—OW!"

The two Brainmasters looked about and Braver gave the Supreme Commander a small wave of greeting.

Star Saber sat on the ground, pulled a knee up to his chest and leaned his forehead on it.

"Blacker."

"...?"

"I thought you were going to fly the ship."

"..."

"Ah—ow... Did you see what we... landed on? (and don't say 'a planet' or I will kill you) Is there anybody living here? Do we have some way to get into contact with Ginrai? Or is there an Autobot base nearby?"

"Damned if I know—I got here same time you did!"

"You were in the control room while we were going down. You were right there with the instrument panels. You had access to the answers to every one of those questions. I was in the back, trusting your judgment on how best to fly a spaceship."

"He needs to learn!"

"Yeah? Well maybe he should take it from somebody who actually knows how to teach flying!"

"I taught you!"

"You pushed me off a cliff and yelled 'fly you fool!'"

"I don't know, you're a pretty good flier now."

"Yeah, _after_ fifty years of flight therapy to get over my paralyzing fear of heights, thank you very much."

"You were scared of heights?" Wingwaver popped his head out of the rubble and looked at his commander.

Star Saber ignored him.

"Blacker, have you found _anything_?"

"I don't know, but there seems to be some kind of... not-rock thing over there." The robot jabbed a finger towards the horizon.

Star Saber looked from where Blacker was pointing back to the smoking mess that had been a spaceship twenty minutes ago.

"You really made short work of her," Braver told Wingwaver. The smaller bot gazed mournfully at the wreck.

"I mean," Braver continued, noticing that the Multiforce leader was close to tears, "we can probably still use _some_ of it. Maybe I can even get the radio working!"

Wingwaver slumped down on a rock beside the Brainmaster. Abruptly, he perked up and said, "Hey, what's that?"

"What's what?" Braver looked at where Wingwaver pointed and said, "Ooh! _That!_ Hey, Saber, Blacker! Lookitthis!"

A tiny metal creature, something like a robotic emu, had emerged from wherever it lived and was scavenging around the spaceship wreck, pecking at the twisted bits of metal and hopping about. It noticed the group of robots crowded around and gazed up at them with round eyes that looked too big for its head. Then it serenelyresumed hopping and pecking at the spaceship.

Wingwaver said, "I think it's eating the metal. I think it likes it!" He knelt down, picked up a tiny scrap of titanium, and held it out to the creature. After a moment of uncertainty, the little thing hopped over on its two little legs and nibbled the offering.

" **Grunt** "

Wingwaver and the other Autobots looked about. Behind them was obviously the little robo-emu's mother – or whatever parentage this species had. It looked like a larger version of the baby. Craning its long neck down, it set its shiny beak close to Wingwaver's face. Two beady orange eyes stared with a hatred the little Transformer had never before seen. He dropped the scrap of metal. The baby scampered behind one of the adult's legs and looked out playfully.

The four Autobots backed away from the angry bird slowly, hoping it would do likewise. Or, at least leave. It looked very large, very mean, and a little bit deadly.

" **Gruuuuuunt!** " The robo-emulifted its head to deliver the dry, then cocked the tiny thing to the side to fix one of the beady orange eyes on the group of Transformers. Apparently the bird had a lot of friends. No fewer than sixty similar animals appeared out from behind the giant yellow ocher boulders and charged forward.

"Uh, I think maybe they're mad at us-!"

"Oh, no, really? Thank Primus I brought you, Braver. My _god_ , but what would I do without your astute observations clarifying everything for me?" Star Saber snapped, grabbing the Brainmaster and Wingwaver each by an arm as he sprinted away from the horde of robot emus shrieking their war cries and pecking at the Autobots. They had quite a peck, Blacker found out when one of the sharp beaks punctured right through his arm plating. He grabbed the bird by the neck, preparing to wring it.

"Oi!" the Supreme Commander yelled, "Transform and retreat! We're not dealing with these things right now!"

He transformed and made a loud pass over the heads of the bird army, catching their attention just long enough for the others to change form and outrun the herd.

"Multi-out!" Waver grabbed onto Wing's canopy with a death grip and cast a dirty look backward at Saber.

Once they had outdistanced the robot emus, the squad slackened pace and finally stopped and transformed.

Blacker said, "Commander, since the birds seem to be..." he glanced at the distant animals pecking away at what used to be the Autobot vessel, "eating our ride, and thinking about eating us, I don't think it's a good idea to stay out here if we can help it."

"What about that city?" Braver piped in.

"We never determined it was a city," Blacker reminded him.

"It's better than sitting around out here sucking our thumbs and waiting for more of those birde to come eat us. Besides, it's getting dark."

"Look, if that city _is_ a city, it might have people in it and they might be more deadly than those birds!"

Wingwaver slumped to the ground, leaning against Star Saber's leg. "Could we just find somewhere to rest?"

Star Saber crossed his arms and said, "The ship is probably in the bellies of those birds by now and we're in no shape to reclaim the leftovers. I'm guessing that Braver's right and there are more of those things waiting out here with an appetite. Given that, it looks like if that thing really is a city, it's our best shot. At least, we can probably have a better conversation with people who built a city than the robot birds from hell."

"Thank you," said Braver.

"Transform and haul skidplate," the commander said wearily.

The sun was low on the horizon behind the city and sank lower as the Autobots approached. The city was, indeed, a city of sorts. Obviously old, it was built with the same yellow ocher rocks that seemed to form the entire outer layer of the planet, and they were pasted together with a gray cementing substance. Braver quickly determined that it was definitely not cement and announced his discovery to the others, who were resting outside the wall for a few minutes before entering. Oddly, nobody seemed to care.

Wingwaver was looking ready to throw up; Blacker was holding his arm and looking dizzy; Star Saber just looked done with life. Braver had wound up not only fairly unhurt from the crash, but had completely avoided getting pecked by the robot emus, unlike his comrades.

Star Saber said, "You know what Braver? I think you're feeling so much better than the rest of us that you should take a quick look inside first. It looks deserted, but, hey, who knows. Could be the zombie army hiding in there waiting for sundown to munch metal."

"Why don't we all go in together?"

"Braver, we know this place looks deserted, but somebody should scout it out real quick. Go in, see if anybody's actually in there (for spark's sake, it's a tiny city), and if anything goes wrong, just yell."

"Typical Autobot supreme commander," grumbled the Brainmaster as he shoved the tall gate – hooked on the outside -open and entered, "No time for interesting scientific discoveries, just go find out if there's anybody waiting to kill us. As if that's more important than... oh my..."

He stopped in the middle of the street. On his left was the wall of the city, high and thick, and on the other was tall buildings – or building, rather; it was all conjoined so the city was, essentially one giant building with the roads winding under its arches and opening up in little courtyards here and there. It looked deserted for centuries, at least. Except for that not-building-shadow in one of the open archways.

He paused to stare. The not-building-shadow was gone. He continued walking, keeping a wary eye on the darkened arches to his right. It was, after all, almost night. Perhaps a half an hour left of pretending to have enough light to see by and then he would miss his night light back on the Shuttle Base.

Then he clearly saw some kind of motion in among those dark, scary arches. Shrieking, he sprinted back to the gateway in the outer wall, skidded around the corner, and dove into his commander.

"Stealth Sangheili, Star Saber, Stealth Sangheili!" he gasped, staring up into a face too tired to be more than mildly annoyed.

"What?"

"Stealth – it was the glimmer! Stealth Sangheili!"

"Did you actually see something or is this you playing too many video games?"

"Um..."

"I'll go with you to the gate."

"But it's dark...!"

"Braver, get your tailpipe back in there," Star Saber said with a good deal more patience and calmness than the situation deserved, "and live up to your stupid name."

"I saw something in there! It was moving!"

The commander escorted Braver away from the other Autobots and said quietly, "Look, I'm not moving those two unless I'm reasonably sure there's not something worse than the birds waiting in that city. I'm going to wait right here with the gate open. Seriously, if you find an actual person and they seem mean, you have a gun. And you have me. Just radio. Now get in there."

Braver interjected with something about how this was exactly the time when things went to pieces in the movies, but Star Saber ignored him and shoved the bot back through the huge gateway. It was much creepier now that the sun had gone down another milimeter.

Braver reminded himself that this was his duty to his fellow Autobots. They couldn't easily spend the night in this city until they knew for sure it was deserted, and those noises from the wasteland around the place shed rather a bad light on the idea of staying outside. He rounded a corner, hand on his blaster. Ready for absolutely _anything_.

A tiny cascade of pebbles came off one of the upper stories and landed ten yards to the robot's right. Braver froze.

Be brave. Brain of Courage in the old chest. A few rocks is nothing to lose ones head over Wait, Braver paused, Star Saber had the Brain of Courage; Braver had the Brain of Intelligence. Braver wasn't brave; with the Brain of intelligence, there was nothing telling him he had to be.

Another few stones fell down. Six yards closer.

Yeah, nothing in the brain said he had to stand his ground. Intelligence dictated the best course of action would be to either shoot everything until he was sure whatever might be there was dead and killed, or to run like hell for the gate.

No. The Brainmaster steeled himself. A Brainmaster was supposed to have all four attributes. Perhaps Braver's biggest one as intelligence, but that didn't mean he wasn't skillful; it didn't mean he wasn't strong; and it sure as _hell_ didn't mean he wasn't one of the bravest warriors in the universe! He lifted his chin and stared boldly into the darkening archways above him. Star Saber wouldn't have to come to _his_ aid!

Then he felt the breath down the back of his neck. With a shrill and panicked shriek, he transformed fast enough to impress a Jumpstarter and left the perpetrator in a cloud of the dusty orange soil, speeding back to the gate. The closed gate. Star Saber had closed it. That - ! Braver transformed and pounded his fists on the gate. Apparently Star Saber had latched it, too. He yelled for his commander to open the gate, but stopped in the middle of a particularly profane sentence.

Hobbling out from the archways was a shuffling crowd of shadowy figures. Braver pulled out his blaster. Night had truly descended and all the Autobot could really see of the creatures was that they were about his size, and there were a couple hundred of them.

"Stay there," he said. They didn't listen. He pulled the trigger and discovered that the gun was non-functional, thanks to the spaceship crash.

"Star Saaaber!" He screamed, shoving cold wet hands off him and struggling out of a grip that seemed many times too strong for such skinny, fleshy arms. So many skinny fleshy arms, dripping with a wet slime, grasping at him and pulling him to the ground and away from the gate – away from the Autobots.

"Star Saber!" he gasped, muffled by the hundreds of creatures crawling over him in some kind of living net.

" _Star Saber!_ "

* * *

Ahem. I don't even know what inspired this. It just kind of... happened. o.O

But hey! I'm alive! It's been, what... three years since I last posted something?

Yeah.

I've also turned into a bit of a Halo fan in that time x)

Oh, BTW, in case you didn't notice, I changed my user :3 Formerly Alexis Raphael, for anybody who might by strange chance remember that.

I'll probably continue this someday. Could be tomorrow, could be three years from now. Apparently, I have no sense of consistency xp

Ooh, and I should probs note, since Wingwaver is kind of obscure... He's a combiner, Wing and Waver. Wing turns into a plane and Waver turns into a boat. Yeah. Real useful in the desert, eh? It was always fun to see what Waver did when the rest of the Multiforce transformed somewhere far inland in the cartoon. Same with poor Boater XD


End file.
